Running in Circles

Photo by quentin on Unsplash

Sometimes I really wonder just how “put together” my life really is. It seems like just when I think I have everything figure out, something else comes up and smacks me in the face. For example, I mentioned in my last post that I was seriously considering seminary – but, here I am taking what appears to be an indefinite break from the academic world (minus, of course, my personal studies which are born out of my passion for learning). In addition, while I still have a passion for working with children and youth, particularly those who have been rescued out of slavery, I am finding myself pondering what else the Lord may have in store for my life. Will India play a part in my future, or does God have something different in mind? I know that the Lord has put a passion for missions, and serving Him in general, on my heart – but where will that lead me?

At this point in my life, I am beginning to feel like I did during the time that I was waiting to hear back regarding my college application status several years ago. I remember being excited as I turned my essays and other materials in to the admissions office at Moody Bible Institute, believing so firmly that Moody was where God was calling me. And then, less than two months later, I received a letter in the mail from Cornerstone University inviting me to apply. Oh how I wrestled with that decision! Did I not know where God was leading me? Why were these thoughts of uncertainty coming to mind? But, I sent in my application to Cornerstone, thinking that there could be some remote chance that I might not be accepted at Moody and may need a “plan B.” One month later, I received an acceptance letter from Cornerstone, along with a letter stating that I was being offered a substantial scholarship.

Knowing that the door to Moody had not yet been closed, I had a serious conversation with the Lord. I said “God, if you want me to go to Cornerstone, then when I get the letter from Moody, it has got to say something that will keep me from going there. But, please don’t let it be a rejection.” Less than a week later, I received the letter from Moody. The letter stated that there was no room at Moody’s main campus – which is where I wanted to go. But, I was given the opportunity to go to their Spokane, WA campus or join their online program. I knew that there was no way that I could afford moving to Washington, not only because of financial reasons, but also because at the time, my family was going through a really difficult time – I did not feel that I could leave them to go so far away. The online option was out of the question because my dad insisted that I needed to have the experience of living on campus and taking classes in person.

Cornerstone was the natural choice and I can honestly say that I never regretted that decision. But, my point is that God, on multiple occasions (but specifically in this case), has directed me to go in one direction, but ended up leading me in a different one. There was a time when I wondered if perhaps I had not really been listening to God when I applied to Moody, but I honestly believe that God simply wanted me to step out in faith and trust Him – the twists and turns were just a way to test whether or not I would be obedient to the things He was calling me to do, regardless of where that might lead me.

The same thing seems to be happening now, although it remains to be seen how everything will pan out. Will I end up serving in a ministry? Will I end up overseas? Is there something that God has in mind for my future that He has just not revealed yet? My guess is, God has something in store that will amaze me beyond comprehension – because He’s God and He has a habit of doing things in my life that are incredible.

I was so right when I stated in my last post that “God will put me exactly where He wants me to be.” My mom once gave me a copy of Philip Keller’s book “Lessons From A Sheep Dog” and my favorite quote from it says “it is not the spectacular nor the sensational for which the Master looks. He seeks instead, for me to simply be faithful wherever He places me in His all-wise plans and purposes.” My job, as a disciple of Christ, is to be willing to go wherever God may call me and to be faithful where He has already placed me – the rest is up to Him.

What will the future hold? I have no idea. But I know that I can trust the Lord because He has been faithful in the past and will continue to be so in the future. I can rest in the reality that God’s plans are always better (and often bigger!) than my own. I don’t have to feel like I’m just running in circles – my life is in the hands of the One who created me, who loves me, and who knows what is best for me.

“God, investigate my life;
    get all the facts firsthand.
I’m an open book to you;
    even from a distance, you know what I’m thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
    I’m never out of your sight.
You know everything I’m going to say
    before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you’re there,
    then up ahead and you’re there, too—
    your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful—
    I can’t take it all in!

You know me inside and out,
    you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
    how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
    all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
    before I’d even lived one day”

~ selections from Psalm 139 (The Message)

All Scripture quotations are taken from THE MESSAGE, copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.